The Sins of Others
by Dani-Ellie03
Summary: Try as she might, Casey couldn’t wrap her head around the senselessness that was a child taking another child’s innocence and life.


**Title:** The Sins of Others  
**Summary:** Try as she might, Casey couldn't wrap her head around the senselessness that was a child taking another child's innocence and life.  
**Disclaimer:** Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler, and Olivia Benson aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them. I'll return them unharmed, I promise.  
**Author's Note:** Casey is quickly becoming my favorite character. I live for reviews, so feedback of all kinds is much appreciated.

* * *

Casey Novak hadn't slept in close to a week. Well, that wasn't quite true. She had spent the bulk of her time over the past six nights awake and thinking and what little sleep she had gotten had been plagued by horrible nightmares. The case was over, she had actually moved on to the next one, but she still couldn't let it go. A four-year-old girl had been raped and murdered by a boy in her neighborhood, a boy the little girl's mother had trusted to take care of her daughter in the afternoons after school. A sixteen-year-old sociopath was just not something she was used to dealing with, and her blood still ran cold every time she remembered his answer when she asked him why he had done it. The kid had just looked up at her, shrugged, and said, "Why not?" with a sly smirk. 

After all her time in Special Victims, she had come to expect to prosecute the most callous human beings in the city. If she believed in that kind of thing, she would have even called them evil. She had even dealt with murderous children before, but never one as apathetic as Kevin Abernathy. It didn't help that Gracie Johnston, with her curly brown hair tied back in pigtails, had smiled up at her from every front page over the past month and a half. She had even cut one of the pictures out and put it on her desk to help keep her focused on what was really at stake. And even though the case had been over for over a week, she couldn't bring herself to throw the picture away.

_What was the point of all this?_ she asked herself. Though it had been a long shot, she had tried Kevin as an adult and won; the sixteen-year-old was going to be in Bellevue's prison ward for a good long time. But none of that brought four-year-old Gracie back to life. The little girl had barely begun living; she had never even gotten the chance to go to school. And try as she might, Casey couldn't wrap her head around the senselessness that was a child taking another child's innocence and life.

She tried to focus on the brief in front of her, but her eyes were both blurring from lack of sleep and being drawn away from the papers by the grainy picture of Gracie Johnston. Sighing, she set her pen down and picked up the picture. She stood up from her desk, crossed her office, and sank down on the couch. The hand holding the picture was shaking slightly and she had to grip it with her other hand just to hold steady. She longed to hear a friendly voice, someone telling her that everything was going to be okay and she'd be able to put this behind her, preferably sooner rather than later. A quick glance at her clock told her that it was getting too late to call anyone at all, never mind someone she trusted enough to bear witness to her weakness.

It was getting too late, really, for her to still be in her office, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. She didn't have the energy to make the twenty-minute drive back to her apartment, and with the way she was feeling, she really didn't think she could handle the city traffic. Setting the picture down on the coffee table, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and dropped her face into her hands. Olivia Benson had told her right from the start that no one could handle the children, but Casey wasn't sure why she was having such trouble with this case in particular. Maybe it was Gracie's innocence; maybe it was the fact that Kevin was seemingly evil to the core. Perhaps it was the sickening combination of both elements of the case.

The nausea began churning in her stomach suddenly. Quickly realizing that she was losing control, she started taking deep, even breaths and swallowing hard. After a couple minutes of careful breathing, her nausea subsided a bit, but it left her even more drained than she already had been. Despite her shaking knees, she stood up from the couch only long enough to turn out her overhead light. The desk lamp was still on, but she didn't have the energy to walk all the way across the room to turn it off as well. Then she sank back down on the couch and curled up on her side, squeezing her eyes closed and wondering if Gracie had even understood what was happening to her. She fervently hoped not.

-----

Elliot Stabler glanced over at his partner as she impatiently dialed a number on her cell phone. "Why are you so concerned?" he asked, turning his eyes back to the road.

"Because she always answers her cell phone," Olivia said distractedly. "Even in the middle of the night, she answers her cell phone."

Taking his eyes off the road again, he turned and looked at her, eyebrows raised and a grin on his lips. "You call our ADA for midnight chats often?"

Olivia quickly glared at him, silently and immediately telling him that she didn't appreciate the joke. Groaning in frustration, she snapped her phone shut. "I don't understand it."

He gave her a sympathetic smile, then once again turned his full attention to the road in front of him. "Just tell me again why we're checking her office. It's almost eleven at night."

"Because she didn't answer her home phone, either," she answered.

"Did she answer the office phone?"

"If she answered the office phone, I wouldn't be so nervous."

"So why are we checking the office?"

Olivia shot him a look. "You're a detective; you figure it out."

Turning on the blinker in preparation for the upcoming left turn he had to take, he flinched slightly at her tone. "You're really worried, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry," she said, giving him an apologetic smile. "I know you're just joking. But yes, I'm really worried. It's just not like her to not answer any of her phones."

Elliot nodded and allowed a comfortable silence to fall between them as they drove the final five minutes to Casey's office. He parked the car in the garage and wordlessly got out, slamming his door closed. Olivia also slammed her door closed and hurried to the entrance of the large building. He sighed as he followed slightly behind her. He didn't share his partner's level of concern; he simply figured that Casey was either busy and not answering her phones or had gone to bed and had turned off her phone. But even though he wasn't as worried as she was, her nervous energy was infectious. He found himself tapping his foot impatiently while waiting for the elevator to reach the lobby.

Three minutes later, the elevator dinged as the doors opened on the right floor. "I don't know, Olivia," he said, squinting down the dark hallway as he stepped off the elevator. "It looks like her light's off."

"Yeah," Olivia answered absent-mindedly as she set off down the hall.

They reached Casey's office in record time. The door was closed and the overhead light was off, but the desk lamp was still on, casting a dim light throughout the office. At first glance, it appeared as though the room was empty, but as Elliot was backing away from the door, he happened to look down and he saw the ADA in question, sound asleep on the small couch under the window. "Liv," he said, nodding towards the window and pushing the door open.

Casey was curled up in the fetal position, one arm tucked up under her head and the other arm resting on her side. "Casey," Elliot said loudly, trying to rouse the sleeping ADA.

"Elliot, look," Olivia said, touching Elliot's shoulder to get his attention. She motioned towards the newspaper clipping, which was still on the coffee table.

Elliot let his breath out and closed his eyes in realization. "Gracie Johnston," he whispered, opening his eyes. He tiptoed out of the doorway and sat down on the couch by Casey's feet, gently shaking her knee. "Casey, wake up."

She groaned quietly before opening her eyes and groggily looking up at Elliot. "What--oh, God." Sitting up quickly, she ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed her eyes, then tore her gaze away from Elliot's, visibly embarrassed at having been found asleep by her coworkers. "What time is it?"

"A little after eleven," Olivia answered apologetically as she sat down on the other end of the couch. "We didn't mean to frighten you."

"No, no, I just . . ." she trailed off, sighing, and decided to change the subject. "What are you two still doing out together if it's this late?"

"I have a partner who worries," Elliot said, smiling first at Olivia and then at the confusion on Casey's face. "We were working late and tried calling you. When you didn't answer the phone, Olivia got a little antsy."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't even hear the phone ring. Did you need me for something?"

"It's not all that important now," Olivia replied. She picked up the newspaper clipping and handed it to Casey. The ADA accepted the picture as tears began welling in her eyes. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Casey asked evasively, continuing to stare down at the picture.

"Well, the fact that you're almost in tears is one indication that something's wrong." Olivia reached over and comfortingly gripped Casey's hands. "And the fact that your hands are shaking is another."

Casey just shrugged, pulling out of Olivia's grasp and setting the picture back down on the coffee table. She settled back into the couch cushions, still averting her eyes. Elliott met Olivia's eyes over Casey's head and raised his eyebrows. "Casey, look," he started, "it's okay to admit that a case is affecting you."

"It's not affecting me," she insisted, clearing her throat so she wouldn't sound like she was choked up.

"Okay," he said. He picked up the picture and stood, crossing the office to her wastebasket. "Then you won't mind if I just crumple this up and--"

"No!" She jumped up off the couch, snatched the picture from his hand, and tenderly set it down on the desk. Resting her hands on the edge of her desk, she leaned forward and let her breath out slowly.

"If it's not affecting you," Elliot said softly, "why won't you let me throw the picture away?"

Casey shook her head, keeping her back to both of the detectives. She wanted to tell them to go away and just leave her alone, but she was afraid that if she opened her mouth to speak, she'd start crying. Funny how not even two hours before she'd been desperately wanting to talk to someone, anyone. But she didn't want the detectives to see her like this, and she didn't appreciate the intervention-esque tactics they were using to try to get her to talk.

There was a moment of silence, then Olivia, realizing they were going about things the wrong way, cleared her throat. "You know, one of my first cases was the hardest case I've ever had. We were called to an apartment building in Midtown; a woman had been raped and bludgeoned to death by an intruder. Only after looking around at the pictures in the apartment did we realize that the woman had a five-year-old son, who was nowhere to be found.

"We frantically searched the apartment, and when I opened one of the endtables in the living room, I found the little boy huddled in it, burying himself under a blanket. He had hidden inside when he heard the window breaking and had seen absolutely everything from his hiding spot. It took me two whole hours to talk him out of the endtable; it was another three days before he even spoke one word, and even then, he would only talk to me."

Casey slowly turned around and faced Olivia, blinking back tears. "How old is he now? Is he okay?"

"He's twelve, almost thirteen, and living with cousins. He's still adjusting, but he's doing all right, better than expected, actually."

She nodded, moving away from her desk and sitting back down on the couch. "When I was eleven years old and decided that I wanted to become a lawyer, I never dreamed that one day I'd be prosecuting children who kill children."

"Why did you decide to become a lawyer?" Elliot asked, sitting down on the edge of her desk.

Shrugging, Casey started nervously picking at the chipped nail polish on her left index finger. "To make a difference."

"You are making a difference--" Olivia started.

"How? How am I making a difference to Gracie Johnston?"

"You got her justice," Elliot replied.

"Hell of a consolation that is to her. You know, she never even got to go to school; she was going to start preschool in September. But she could read already." She sighed, shaking her head and closing her eyes. "She was a smart little kid, she was going to have a great life, and the boy she trusted to take care of her took all that away from her." She stopped to swallow the lump that was quickly rising in her throat. "What the hell good did I do her?"

"Unfortunately in this line of work, we don't come into the victims' lives until it's already too late," Olivia said comfortingly. "So we do the only thing we can, and that's to try to make things right after the fact. We find the people responsible and we make sure they pay for their crimes." She rested a hand on Casey's knee. "You are not responsible for the sins of others, Casey."

Elliot watched Casey carefully as she nodded and bit her trembling lower lip to keep from crying. He couldn't help but feel like there was something else about the case that was upsetting her, but he knew that if he asked her directly, she wouldn't answer him. Taking a cue from Olivia's earlier tactic of giving Casey a springboard, he spoke up gently. "I know what bothered me so much about this case was that I couldn't make sense of any of it."

"All I want is to understand it," she insisted helplessly. "If I understand it, I can put it behind me. I can take a lesson from it. I can make sure that Gracie didn't die for no reason at all. Because right now, it feels like Gracie was just a pawn in one of Kevin's twisted little games, and I cannot let that be the only reason she died."

Elliot immediately understood Casey's dilemma. It was hard enough to make sense of the death of a child, but when that death was at the hands of another child, it was even harder. The common way of making sense out of it was to seek out a motivation, a reason behind the murderer's actions. Perhaps the child was scared of something or someone or perhaps the child was himself a victim of abuse. But when no reason could be found aside from the child's own admission that he wanted to know what it felt like to strangle someone to death, it made the whole thing a lot harder to comprehend. "Casey, there are no answers. Why is Kevin the way he is? Who knows? Why did he choose Gracie? Again, who knows? You're not going to find the answers by mentally going through the evidence over and over again. There aren't any answers to find."

"You're not going to understand everything," Olivia said comfortingly. "Kevin's a sociopath. Only he understands why he did what he did. But I promise you, Gracie didn't die for no reason at all."

"I just … wish I knew what the point was."

"As it cliché as it sounds, sometimes the point is that there is no point," Olivia replied. "You want to learn a lesson from this case? Make that your lesson. Sometimes things happen that don't have easy an explanation, and you can't beat yourself up trying to find one."

Casey met Olivia's eyes and smiled slightly, then dropped her gaze back down to her hands. For the first time, Elliot noticed the dark circles under her eyes. "Casey, when was the last time you slept?"

"You mean before you two barged into my office unannounced?" she teased, shifting uncomfortably under his concerned gaze.

He smiled at her weak attempt at a joke. "Yes, I do mean before that."

She just shrugged. "I don't really know. This whole week has been a huge blur." Sighing, she stood up from the couch and stretched her legs. "This case really shouldn't be affecting me like this, should it?"

"There's nothing wrong with a case affecting you," Olivia answered. "It's when the cases stop affecting you that you have to worry."

"Come on," Elliot said softly, standing from his perch on her desk and slinging his arm around her shoulder, "we'll take you home."

"No, you guys don't need to give me a ride home--"

"Casey, you can barely keep your eyes open. I'm not letting you drive home."

She eyed him incredulously, pulling out of his grasp. "You're not letting me?"

"You know what I mean," he said with a smile. "Please? It'll make me feel better knowing that you got home safely tonight."

Casey looked from Elliot to Olivia, who gave her a slight nod. "Oh, all right." She grabbed her jacket off the coat hook and sighed. "Lead the way."

-----

Olivia looked over her shoulder at the ADA curled up in the backseat of Elliot's car. Almost as soon as the car had started moving, Casey had drifted off into a light sleep. Turning around, Olivia spoke up softly, addressing her partner. "It's a good thing we're taking her home. She never would have made it out the door otherwise."

Elliot glanced up in the rearview mirror and smiled. "That was a good idea earlier. Telling her about your hardest case so she'd feel comfortable enough to open up to you."

Olivia just shrugged. "I remember how hard it was being the rookie, and I remember being afraid that if I admitted having a hard time dealing with the cases, I'd get thrown out of the squad. I figured she just needed to know that we've all been there."

Elliot nodded. "It worked." He frowned as the intersection in front of them loomed closer. "Do I take a right or a left here?"

"Neither. Go straight and take a left at the next set of lights."

Elliot slowed the car to a stop in front of the red light and turned to look at his partner, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Should I be worried that not only do you call our ADA in the middle of the night, you also know the way to her apartment seemingly like the back of your hand?"

Olivia whipped her head around and stared open-mouthed at her partner, then grinned at him, purposely being noncommittal. "Just what are you suggesting, Stabler?"

"Oh, nothing," he said, feigning innocence. "Just giving you a good-natured teasing."

"Uh huh. Oh, and if you insist on driving, you should really pay attention to the road. The light's green."

"Oh!" Elliot stepped on the gas, slightly embarrassed. "So, next set of lights, it's a left?"

"Yes."

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only words spoken being the occasional direction from Olivia. A few minutes later, Elliot pulled up in front of Casey's apartment building. Olivia turned around in her seat and gently shook Casey's knee. "Casey, wake up. You're home."

"Mmm." Casey stretched and opened her eyes. "That was quick."

"You fell asleep almost as soon as you sat down," Elliot smiled.

"Eh, I was drifting." Casey yawned as she took off her seatbelt and opened the car door. "Thank you so much for the ride home."

"Let me walk you up," Olivia offered, wanting to make sure that Casey got into her apartment safely.

"That's fine." She was too tired to argue further with Olivia, but not quite tired enough not to give Elliot a little startle. "Besides, I think I have something of yours upstairs."

Olivia wrinkled her brow as she got out of the car, catching a glimpse of Elliot's confused and surprised expression. She shot Casey a quizzical glance as the younger woman walked around the car and sidled up next to her. "I've never--"

"I know that," Casey whispered. "But I told you, I was drifting. I heard him teasing you about knowing where I live, so I decided to play with him. Nothing like giving the man what he wants, huh?"

Olivia snickered, slinging her arm around the ADA's shoulders to fuel Casey's little prank. "You are cruel, Counselor." She walked her into the apartment complex and up the stairs to the second floor. They stopped outside the Casey's door. "Well, we got you home safely."

"Yes, you did." Casey smiled tiredly. "I want to thank you, Olivia. Both you and Elliot. I mean, not everyone would have--"

"Yeah, they would have," Olivia assured her. "Stop thinking of yourself as an outsider, Casey. Friends help friends." She gave the ADA a comforting smile. "Go on and get some sleep. I'll pick you up, say tomorrow morning at eight?"

"Sounds great." Casey took her keys out of her purse and started to unlock her door as Olivia took off down the hall. "Hey, Olivia?"

Olivia turned around. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Olivia gave the younger woman a smile. "You're welcome. Good night, Casey."

Casey watched Olivia disappear down the hall, then opened her apartment door and kicked off her shoes. She was so tired that she didn't even change out of her clothes. She simply walked into her bedroom, unmade her bed, and crawled under the covers. Closing her eyes, she ran the conversation she'd had with Elliot and Olivia through her head and made a decision. During her lunch break the next day, she was going to buy a bouquet of flowers, stop by the cemetery, and thank Gracie Johnston for teaching her a valuable lesson.


End file.
